Thursday, February 25, 2010

Loss

I'm not sure how to say what I'm going to say, but I wanted to document what I'm feeling... Here goes

I had a follow up with my specialist yesterday. They were going to do heart tests and follow up on the triplet dissolving. The tech found the baby B (boy) and went to work on the tests. After some great shots of him she went to do baby A. I also mentioned about the triplet so she stopped and looked at my chart and then went to ask the Dr. a question. The Dr. came into the room and started up with the ultrasound. I didn't say anything nor did she.

After a minute of looking around with the babies she had to tell me that Baby A is no longer living. I guess she passed away about a week ago and her body is compressing and dissolving. That was definitely not the news I was expecting to hear. I had a few suspicions that things weren't normal, but nothing that I would think she had died.

Jeff and I are both very sad. It was not a fun thing to lose our little baby girl. It is a loss with a bit of happiness tied to it since baby boy is doing really well. They are concerned about why I lost the baby. They are doing blood work to look for clotting disorders or such that would suddenly cause me to lose a baby. I am now concerned for my little boy. I would hate to lose both twins. After having to lose one, explain that to our kids, and then to lose the other... ugh! I hope if something is going on we can get on top of it and help this pregnancy along without further complications.

Losing something you were really expecting and planning for (especially something so exciting as a baby) is really hard. This is my first experience (hopefully my last) with miscarriage and I am in awe of my other children and the easy pregnancies those were. I'm sure this will turn out right in the end and that we are being watched over and cared for. I love my children. I love being a mom. I am happy to welcome little spirits to our family. I am sad to not get to add 2, but still so happy to be keeping our little boy! I am so grateful for every little kick that our little boy gives me... I never thought those kicks could bring such joy :).

Thanks to all for their love and support! I am grateful for wonderful family and friends during these trying times.

14 comments:

samantha said...

Sharla I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family and I will definitely be praying for the little one inside you.

Katy B. said...

Oh my goodness....I wish I was there to give you a hug. I've been through a miscarriage myself, so I understand the loss...but nonetheless, I cannot imagine nor try to imagine what you are going through at this instant. I am so thankful that you are the Mother that you are and that your baby boy inside you has you to carry him. Let the Savior carry you right now Sharla. My prayers are with you and your sweet family.

Amanda said...

I know exactly what you are going through. As I was just there in September. I pray that your little boy will hang on and be happy and healthy!

Dalton Family said...

I am so sorry for your lose and so happy your baby boy is doing so well. Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

Remodelaholic said...

We will keep you, your family and baby boy in our prayers. I am sorry that you are having to go through this.

Love ya

Miche' said...

Sharla-I am so sorry. It has been a difficult journey but your strength has been an inspiration to me. Love ya-Shay

Erin said...

Oh I am so sad for you. I'm so glad the little boy is still doing well but this must be so hard. I had a miscarriage before Charlotte at 8 weeks and that was so difficult. I could hardly even say the words. I'm sure it just gets harder the further along you are... because you've had so much time to get excited and learn to love the little person inside you. I am praying that everything goes well with baby boy and that your family will be comforted. Having a miscarriage really made me realize what a miracle a heathly baby is.

Alli said...

I am sorry Sharla, that just breaks my heart for you and your family. There aren't any words I can say but I want you to know we are thinking of you and praying for you.

Machelle said...

Sharla and Jeff, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am keeping your family in my prayers. We love you

Katie Busken said...

Sharla, I'm so sorry. You have such a good attitude and such strong faith about it. You hvae been and always will be a great example to me. I'll definitely be praying for your little boy!

Rice Family said...

Sharla,
what a blessing that your baby boy is still doing well. I wish I were close enough to give you a hug! I hate that I'm not there to help you get through this! You and your sweet family are in our prayers.

nellsq said...

I am so sorry! So glad that your baby boy is doing well and we will pray for no more complications. Wish we were closer to be of help and take a trip to Sonic for a milkshake and girl talk. Thanks for keeping us posted on your blog. I know that it is hard to share feelings but we are glad to keep in touch. Take care. Tell Jeff we say hello.

Cindy Killebrew said...

I am so sorry to hear of your sad news. I am grateful for your optimism and your strong example of faith. I pray that your sweet baby boy continues to kick you and grow strong.

Amber said...

Sharla- I haven't checked blogs in a while and am so sad to read about your loss. Hang in there...I will be thinking of you and am so glad that your little guy is still going strong!!